I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
