I smell stomach acid.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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