Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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