Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
