I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
