every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
