i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize