I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
