I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is wine microwaveable?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
