He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
