well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
