How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
