we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
