Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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