As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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