Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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