I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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