I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
