Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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