yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
