i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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