you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
