when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
