Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
