And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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