Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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