I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
