I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
