I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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