I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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