before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His nipple licking is glorious
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