Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
