I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
