Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
