I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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