I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
