I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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