my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
