yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
