i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
