he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
