I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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