Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
