so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
