you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
