So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
