I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
