My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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