This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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