I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
