im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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