I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
