in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
