If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
