I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
