people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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