just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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