my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
