He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
