my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
