My room smells like vodka and shame
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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