Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
