His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
