i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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