Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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