I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
