Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
