dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
foreskin is a definite game changer
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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