exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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