my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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