haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
