Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
