What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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