Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
