why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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