My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize