Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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