He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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